Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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