my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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