Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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