honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
