Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
