Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
