It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
