When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
