We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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