i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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