her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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