So drunk its hurt
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
