This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
