When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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