ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
These tits shall not be calmed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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