She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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