Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
