dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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