she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want to fling myself into the sun
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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