I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the day after is always just damage control
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
