I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
