Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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