Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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