All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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