i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
