Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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