i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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