is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
