i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
