If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
