So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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