I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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