btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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