Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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