your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
