I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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