NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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