Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
