he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize