It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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