my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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