This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
