four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
