2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
