her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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