Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
