i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
