dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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