Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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