Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
