She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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