I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
