I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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