I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
