piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
