Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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