he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
