literally had 100 drinks last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
