i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
