Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
