census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
