and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
