This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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