Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
