he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
