It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
