Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
