how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
