Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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