I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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