I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think i have two assholes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
