I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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