Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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